I Believed In You

"I believed we would make it."

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

I believed in fate.

I used to think the reason the universe kept me single was because on that day, I was meant to finally meet you. I used to relish that memory: an innocent afternoon, a sweaty handshake, a couple of nervous smiles, then a hearty lunch.

I used to scroll along my never-ending questions about you, the most mysterious and interesting individual on earth. I felt lucky, felt the rush of falling in love and being in love with you. It made me believe in marriage. I used to ponder on the ways to ask you to marry me, how to bring our friends and families to the States. About the perfect honeymoon: enjoying dinner together with the best acoustic music in a cruise ship with a breath-taking view of the sea. Our first night as a married couple. I used to be excited about the fiery knowledge that I would be making love to wife. I used to think about having our own house, our own a family, our little bundle of joy in your arms.

I believed in long-distance relationships, used to feel euphoric every time we met. I used to think that weekly meet-ups would maintain what had been built for one year. I told you about what lay beyond the four walls of college. I used to share my accomplishments and warn you about my mistakes with the hope that your leap from college would be higher than mine.

I used to think the fire would be alive from sharing different stories from two different perspectives from two different lives. I used to think we were walking two different roads leading to one goal: us.

I believed we would make it.

I used to think everything we had been dreaming of would happen someday. Lazy Sundays at the beach with barbeque and newspapers and books and sandcastles and photos and kids, or even Saturdays at the mountains with backpacks and tents and blankets and bonfires and stories and laughter. I believed that fate brought us together, that a short-term long-distance-relationship will make us stronger, that we will make it together and get married someday: I believed in you.

I believed in us, in forever.

I used to.